Silence Is Easy
by ReticentlyYellow
Summary: Remus reflects on his love for Sirius, and how it's impacted his life. Character death. Compliant with the books/movies.


**Author's Note: I don't know how ratings work, sorry. Does death count as adult themes? I don't know how labels work, either. Does this count as a tragedy? Or a romance? Not really... *shrugs* Well, enjoy the story! However much something like this can be enjoyed... **

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><p><span>Silence Is Easy<span>

_The jet of red light hit him squarely in the chest, his expression locked on one of surprise, though the ghost of his smile lingered on. It took him an age to fall, his body curving back towards the ragged, veiled archway. It fell in an elegant arc, so like him to even die gracefully. His pale pink lips parted slightly as he fell, his rather long black hair flowing around him beautifully. The traces of a once-handsome face were still visible in his features. His body finally completed the fall, entering the veil, which fluttered for only a moment before resuming its place, undisturbed. _

_Harry's face contorted angrily, his features marred by a loud scream, though only silence echoed. Lupin felt himself grab Harry from behind, holding him back._

"_SIRIUS!" cried Harry silently. _

...

Lupin woke, startled. He glanced at the clock before sighing and running a hand over his face. He relinquished the unlikely prospect of falling back asleep and padded down to the kitchen, searching out a bit of chocolate to soothe his nerves.

No matter how many times he had the dream, it still unnerved him greatly.

Tonks knew he suffered from nightmares; after all, he couldn't keep it secret from his wife. Though to the exact nature of these dreams she was unbeknownst.

At the thought of Tonks, Remus felt a series of guilty pangs stab at his heart. He took a seat at the Weasley's kitchen table, frowning down at the chocolate in his hand. Tonks was still at her parents' house, caring for Teddy, while Remus had temporarily come to stay with the Weasleys. He felt bad for leaving her alone to care for the boy – she might have the help of her parents, but it was still their combined child.

Which led him to another guilty pang. He wasn't sure what he was doing married to Tonks, let alone having a kid with her.

Having ingested his chocolate, he rubbed his face with his hands, pushing back the annoying fringe of hair from his forehead, a reminder that he'd let it grow too long. Remus sighed. He knew he did not, nor would he ever, love Tonks the way she did him. He did have a great amount of affection for her, but was unsure how he'd let it progress this far. He assumed it was the combined stress of the war, Tonks's insistence, and Lupin's own want to protect her.

He knew he still kept a fair share of secrets from her, of which he was reminded with a fresh wave of guilt.

Lupin thought of his Patronus, and how he still hadn't shown anybody after he realized what shape it took. Not since he first cast a corporeal Patronus in his sixth year at Hogwarts. Lily Evans was the only one to ever find out, bless her. Remus hadn't even meant for it to happen. She'd just figured it out one evening, in her quiet, observant manner.

...

"_Remus," she said softly, laying a hand on his arm. "Your Patronus is Sirius, isn't it? In his animagus form." _

_Lupin closed his eyes, feeling a tear slip out and slide down his cheek. "Yes. It is." _

_Lily's voice was quiet and solemn, but not admonishing. "I can tell you have great feelings for him." She hesitated before adding, "Don't worry. Your secret is safe with me." _

...

Remus let out a forceful breath.

He'd been in love with Sirius for as long as he could remember. And those few years where Sirius wordlessly loved him back were the most memorable of his life.

But good things never last.

Lupin pushed back his chair and turned to the living room, which had been transformed into a makeshift headquarters. He might as well put his sleeplessness to good use.

...

As Remus dodged another one of Dolohov's curses, he realized he was nearing his end. He sent a stunning curse at him, to no avail. He thought of Tonks, also out there out there fighting, and immediately filled with regret.

Regret that he wouldn't be there to help father their child.

Regret that it all had to end like this.

Regret that he couldn't even tell her good-bye properly.

And regret that he loved her once-removed cousin far more than he loved her.

So it was that Lupin calmly faced death in the form of Antonin Dolohov, a faraway memory of Sirius's arms around him putting his fears to rest. He was, after all, dying for the sake of a cause they'd all fought valiantly for.

Remus allowed himself one last selfish truth before the killing curse hit him: this way, his secrets died silently with him.

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><p><strong>AN: I like reviews. Please review? Tell me if my story is crap. Or if you loved it. Either one is good! (Though I'm more likely to get the first one.) **


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